22 things I learned at age 22

As the end of my time here creeps closer, and my 23^rd birthday closer still, I think now is a good time to take an inventory of what I’ve learned this year in Tajikistan.  Given that these days pretty much every 20-something seems to embark on a post-college international quest for life understanding, a few people might be able to relate to this list of things I’ve learned during my time abroad, and my 22^nd year on Earth...

22 things I learned at age 22

1.  There are only a few parts of your body that it is absolutely nonnegotiable to wash regularly:  And that’s what they invented wet wipes for.

2. Living alone is awesome:  By the numbers: Number of times eating trail mix for dinner per week: 5, percent of time spent not wearing pants: 70, number of times loudly singing along to Tim McGraw per day: 8, number of times scolded for being a rancid heathen slob: 0. Booya.

3. I don’t know anything:  If there’s one thing I’ve learned about agriculture in Tajikistan this year it’s that I don’t know anything about it.  Or I know about 3% of what there is to know about it.  Meanwhile, there are hordes of old white men here who have worked with USAID for the past 137 years, 112 of those spent specializing in agriculture in Tajikistan. Then there are the old Soviet-esque engineers in my office who, every time I approach them, tell me with disdain that I shouldn’t be studying water issues when I’m not an engineer.  If I were more irreverent to authority I’d ask them why, if being an engineer is the only thing that matters, two thirds of the drinking water projects that they’ve installed in the past two years are out of operation for reasons that have nothing to do with engineering. 

4. But that doesn’t mean I have nothing to contribute: Snarky comments aside, three things that I’ve learned that a young person with no skills can contribute to the world are:

a. An open mind: Old white men often lack this

b. Critical thinking skills: Education systems in developing countries often don’t teach this

c. Absurd amounts of time: My time is really valuable, so valuable in fact that yesterday I spent three hours watching Latin pop music videos.  Similarly, most real people don’t have the luxury of being able to pick up and live in a village.

5. Take visas seriously: I used to believe I was charming enough to talk myself out of any travel conundrum.  Then I got deported from India.

6.  Flooding your troubles with vodka will only lead to emotional hangovers:  If I had to sum up this past winter in ten words they would be: always freaking cold, depressed as hell, way too much vodka.  Then I travelled to Russia and realized, to my amazement, that there is an entire country based on these three things.  Besides winter in Tajikistan being generally miserable and depressing, I was unsure how to start my research project and thus spending many of my days in a haze of aimlessness.  Furthermore, I was grappling with my first real break-up like a boiling pot of crazy (small consolation was, however, found in the fact that any new girlfriend likely can’t compete with me when it comes to using squat toilets without getting pee everywhere or haggling with cab drivers in the absence of a common language).   Anyways, reverting to alcohol seemed to be the only logical option.  Until I realized it was making me more miserable than Rick Santorum at a gay pride parade.

7.  So if you’re unhappy change your metric, your mindset, or your situation:  Just don’t get paralyzed by indecision and fear.  Lonely Depressing Vodka Soaked Winter 2011-2012 finally came to an end when I finally braved up and headed to the countryside to pursue a lifestyle free from the shackles of modern civilization (those shackles being personal hygiene and food that isn’t white bread).

8. But it’s also okay to not be happy all the time: To quote a book I’m reading on reaching enlightenment (one of the best things about having inappropriate amounts of free time is the opportunity to undertake light reading on the meaning of life) ---“It’s easier to wake up from a nightmare than an unpleasant dream.”  Once you’ve experienced the low times, the high times are much higher.  And after I’d emerged from a time when everything seemed ugly, the world started to look better than it ever had.

9.  Aladdin and Jasmine knew each other for less than 48 hours when they decided to get married:  When I saw this at age six I thought it was a perfect love story, when I saw this at age 22 I thought it was shallow and unrealistic.  It’s like he only fell in love with her because she was beautiful and half-naked and rich.  Thank god that never happens in real life.

10.  It’s difficult to understand yourself and near impossible to understand other people: "Below the surface stream, shallow and light, of what we say we feel---below the stream, as light, of what we think we feel---there flows with noiseless current strong, obscure and deep, the central stream of what we feel indeed."  So basically, thanks to our friendly neighborhood subconscious, none of us make any sense.  Simultaneously liberating and annoying as hell.

11.  I’m an introvert: And actually a pretty socially awkward one at that.  I had a hunch on this one ever since graduation last year when I felt uncomfortable standing on stage so I decided to make small talk with the guy next to me by asking him where he worked.  Turns out he was the dean of my college.  Also turns out some of us are best suited to limit our human interaction.

 

12. …And that’s nothing to be ashamed of: No longer will I try to hide my introvert-ism with a thin veneer of alcohol, loud friends, and other social crutches.  Although American culture might favor extroverts, less time talking means more time thinking, learning, pursuing an obscure interest in Sogdian ceramics, or writing poetry in Swahili.  And in my book that makes someone more interesting than the ability to network at a cocktail party.

13. You probably don’t care but I’m also lactose intolerant:  And my only two thoughts on the matter are---a. It’s probably good that there are foods that I legitimately experience physical pain from consuming, as there’s probably nothing else that can stop me from eating.  b. I will still be eating ice cream every day.  Speaking of foods that are intolerable,

14.  Plov is an acquired taste: It looks gross.  It makes you feel gross.  It actually seriously is pretty gross.  But after a while you start to like it.

15.  Fresh white bread, unfortunately, is not:  And for Christs sake be careful because it will creep up on you after a while.  But even that doesn’t matter so much because,

16.  There are more serious issues in the world than the size of your thighs, you self-centered piece of shit: This is one that I’ve been trying to get through my head for a while.  Somewhere between talking to a man whose son was trafficked in Moscow and going to a rural clinic that was treating a woman with hemorrhagic fever (read: blood coming out of every hole in your body), I’ve started to get pretty ashamed of ninety percent of what goes through my head. 

17.  It takes more energy to be stressed about being unproductive than it takes to be productive:  Probably should have picked up on this one in college but definitely didn’t.  I’ve wasted many good hours this year being anxious about time mismanagement. 

18.  At the same time sometimes it’s just as valuable to be a be-er as it is to be a do-er:  This year has forced me to rethink productivity metrics.  Leave for a run at 9am, return three hours later having made friends with a 14 year-old-boy and ridden a donkey part way home?  Surely as productive as spending the morning trying to solve every water problem in the Aral Sea basin.

19. Be a pochemuchka:   Pochemuchka  is the Russian word for someone who asks a lot of questions---‘pochemu’ is the word for ‘why’ so it means ‘little why-er’.  Curiosity makes everything better.

20.  Make time every day for reading, resting, running, reflecting, and religion (or spirituality or science or whatever makes you feel that there’s something bigger than yourself ):  Reading because it provides interesting things to think and talk about, rest because empty moments lend to creativity and working all the time sucks, running because it prevents you from being cranky and constipated, reflection because otherwise you’ll be stupid and boring to talk to, and religion (or whatever) because it serves as a reminder to be constantly grateful and in awe of the world around you.

21. There is a positive correlation between happiness and life simplicity: Consider me the rural lifestyle’s biggest cheerleader.  It probably isn’t true for everyone, it goes against the way I’ve lived to this point, and I can’t really explain it but I’m pretty sure humans are hard-wired for the simple life.  We’ve been evolving for millions of years in an environment different from the fast-paced, technology-obsessed, hyper-connected one that we live in today.  Deleting some of that clutter worked wonders for my mental health.

22.  Don’t take people’s advice on most things.  Actually on pretty much anything:  I think it’s appropriate to end this list of things I wish I’d known sooner by telling you not to listen to them.  People gave me all kinds of well-meaning advice on how to do this year properly---“Don’t live with a Tajik family, you’ll be miserable.” “It’s culturally unacceptable to go running by yourself.” “It’s culturally acceptable to go running by yourself but only if you wear a burqa.” “Your survey for farmers should be no more than four pages/all multiple choice questions/translated into ancient Greek/only implemented while you’re doing a headstand and playing the ukulele.”  People give well-meaning advice but their experiences and opinions are often pretty irrelevant.  Nothing can substitute for figuring things out for yourself in the full current of human life. 

Public Enemy #1

Public Enemy #2

Public Enemy #3

 Public Enemy #4

Me in a coma induced from consuming a lot of all four in one sitting

No soap, no water, no problem

 Aladdin and Jasmine: Hot, barely clothed….and probably lacking chemistry